10 Tips for Parents Facing Co-parenting and Joint Custody
The “hat” of a mother or father is a very large hat to fill. Some would also agree that this hat can feel very heavy when it is worn by parents learning how to navigate co-parenting life as well as learning how to effectively parent in a joint custody situation. Thankfully, there are various resources out there that can aid parents with co-parenting and joint custody. At Kingdom Mission Law Firm, although we focus on legally representing parents who find themselves faced with obtaining custody (be it shared, joint, or sole custody), we also seek to provide parents with resources and tips to help them with parenting. Here are some tips for parents (married and single) that find themselves in a co-parenting lifestyle with joint custody. Although the tips below are separated into categories, some (if not all) tips can still apply all around.
10 Tips for Single Parents Co-parenting with Joint Custody
While being involved in my community and work environment, I have met many parents faced with being single, co-parenting, and having joint custody of their child or children. But so many of these parents did not know what to do as they found themselves in this situation. One day I asked a friend Gina George (who is a single mother with joint custody of her child) if she had to give 10 tips to help someone in her position or similar, what would she say. These are the 10 tips that she has learned being a single mother with joint custody, and I hope they work for you too!
Tip 1: Remember it’s about the kid(s) now!!
Tip 2: Set aside your differences (both parents).
Tip 3: Be flexible!!!!!!!
Tip 4: Don’t EVER dog (i.e. disrespect, belittle, or vilify) the other parent when they are with you (even if they are in another room or space).
Tip 5: Set a new schedule that includes chores, bedtimes, vacations, etc.
Tip 6: Plan parent and child dates and put them on the calendar. If you have multiple kids, this means multiple dates. Make sure to make a big deal out of these dates!
Tip 7: PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! For yourself to heal, your kid(s) to heal, and for you to get through each minute, hour, day, week, etc.!!
Tip 8: Set aside time for yourself. “ME” time is very important.
Tip 9: Make sure your circle is solid. (i.e. you should have a good support team).
Tip 10: Don’t sit around and dwell on the past or bash your “ex” day after day. Look for the good in life—it’s there!
10 Tips for a Married Parent Co-parenting with Joint Custody
When I asked the same question to another good friend Rene Randolph, who is a remarried parent with joint custody, here are 10 tips she learned.
Tip 1: Remember that both parents love the child(ren)!
Tip 2: Both parents won’t agree on everything.
Tip 3: Have set standards and rules for the child(ren).
Tip 4: Be careful when speaking of the other parent and/or his or her spouse. (When I heard Rene give this tip, it reminded me of a saying my brother use to say, “loose lips sink ships”).
Tip 5: Be careful when speaking about what goes on in the other parent’s home.
Tip 6: It is not a good rule to tell the child he or she cannot talk about the other parent (as the old saying goes, “I don’t want to hear about your dad or mom”). This will stifle how much your child will express what goes on in his or her life.
Tip 7: If possible, establish a friendship with the other parent to create a good environment. If friendship is out of the question, form a respectful relationship.
Tip 8: Learn to be cordial. If there is something that has not been decided by the court, work with the other parent. Both parents should try to reach an agreement without having to always resort to going to court.
Tip 9: When forming a new family around the child, gradually introduce the child to your new significant other. Make sure the child remembers he or she will always remain a priority. Let the child know he or she will always have a place.
Tip 10: Remember, what is most important is the best interest of the child!
Best Interest of the Child
A child’s mental, physical, and spiritual health can be heavily affected by how both parents approach joint custody and co-parenting. For example: if both or one parent act ugly towards the other, this can cause a child to feel like he or she is the problem as well as teach him or her the wrong way to handle life situations. Parents with joint custody must be willing to change their perspective on their new family dynamic to form a healthy and balanced family system. Parents need to learn how to compromise with each other, meaning a parent cannot have a “my way or the highway” approach but should find a solution that can work for both parties. If there is an issue or problem, have a conversation (i.e. discussion), not a war or a fight. You get more accomplished working together compared to fighting against one another.
Here are three lessons I’ve learned in life that can apply to co-parenting and joint custody: (1) remember that we are all human, meaning no one will do everything right, and we all make mistakes and have flaws; (2) learn to extend grace and forgive; and (3) be patient, patient, and did I mention be patient with yourself and others when dealing with your situation.
I encourage parents faced with co-parenting and joint custody to review these tips and see if they work for you! I also understand that one size doesn’t fit all. However, I have learned that there are general principles that can help in many situations. I hope these tips will be general principles that can help most parents with their co-parenting and joint custody!
